Corey Forgives His Past And Finds His Potential

As I was getting the DVR set up to show a movie to my first period 8th grade English class, I turned around quickly to scan for any potential chaos that may be brewing in the back of the room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar yet changed face. For a few seconds, I just stared at him, but then he walked forward with his unmistakably charming strut, and I immediately hurried over to Corey, giving him a huge hug. With the girls blushing and giggling and the boys gawking at Corey's six foot frame, I returned my attention momentarily to my students, quieting them and introducing the movie - The Diary of Anne Frank - based on the play adaptation we had just read.

~  Corey -a familiar yet changed face ~

With my students engaged in the film, Corey and I entered the inner hallway of the English building, where I could keep an eye on them through the glass windows. Grabbing a couple of chairs and making ourselves comfortable, my mind went back to four years earlier when I taught Corey in my 8th grade English literature class. Corey was a complex young boy, filled with bitterness over a divorce, an absent father, and a life with a step-dad he did not want. Although Corey remained distant and detached from others, as well as frequently quite defiant, Corey craved attention - wanting someone to care about him - and most often sought to fill that need with destructive self-defeating behaviors.

                                                                                                                                         

~ Corey is filled with rage ~

While attempting to redirect his negative energies, I worked hard with Corey, nurturing and supporting his academic abilities and encouraging him in his athletic pursuits. However, my challenges with him were many, especially his explosive temper.  Many times, Corey would become so filled with rage that I gave him unspoken permission to leave our classroom whenever necessary, releasing his pent up anger by hitting his fists against the stucco wall outside our door or running out on to the large field next to our classroom sprinting mindlessly around the empty bases. Other times, Corey would stay after class or come by after school where he would sit with his head buried in his hands nervously running his fingers through his crumpled blondish hair, attempting to calm himself and quiet his mind. My words of comfort to Corey seemed mostly inadequate and inconsequential.

When Corey graduated from middle school and moved on to high school, we stayed in touch. He would drop my classroom every now and then to  "check in". Sometimes the visits brought good news: school was going well, he was getting along better with his step-dad, and his friends were cool and fun. Other times, Corey's visits revealed a series of set-backs with severe consequences: dropping out of school, messing around with drugs and hanging out with friends who were not really friends, and experiencing a resurgence of hatred toward his family causing division and grief for everyone involved.

As Corey and I sat facing each other, I recalled the last time I had seen him - just a year ago.  I remembered that although his life was not totally falling apart, it didn't seem to have much direction in it either. Therefore, I was anxious as he began to speak to me about what was going on. With a smile on his face, Corey described how he was attending our district continuation high school, maintaining a 4.0  and acquiring the necessary units for graduation. He was working as a life-guard at a large resort and practicing his beloved baseball with a well-known local coach. Corey took in a deep breath, displaying a sense of peace and pride I had never witnessed in him before. I waited as he spoke. "Mrs. Kenley, I have been accepted to California State University at Long Beach - well, a provisional acceptance until I finish all  my units - and I have an offer to play in a summer training camp for the Expos!!"

~ Corey forgives his past ~

Tears filled my eyes, as did Corey's.  For a moment I was unable to speak.  And then, I kept repeating, "I'm so proud of you....I'm so incredibly proud of you...." Leaning in, I gave him another hug, and this time he returned it fully. After composing ourselves, I sat back in my chair studying Corey as he pulled out an old yearbook from his back-pack. I chuckled to myself as I recognized the middle school yearbook from years past - Corey's graduating class. Unsure as to what was happening, I sat quietly. Fingering through the pages, Corey stopped at one and then looked up at me. His voice quivered a little, then regained its strength.



"Last year, I was ready to give up. I felt like such a loser....my life was messed up....I mean, I messed it up. And I hurt a lot of people, including myself." Corey cleared his throat. "One night while sitting alone in my room and feeling sorry for myself, I took out my 8th grade yearbook.  I started reading through it and I came to the message you wrote me.  I read it over and over....and for the first time in a long long time, I knew what I needed to do. And...I felt there was a chance for me...."  I sat in silence, Corey began reading the passage.

Corey, as you leave middle school and enter high school, you will have many choices and challenges ahead of you. I am confident that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to - you have all the ability and talent right within you. However, as long as hold onto your anger - it will hold you back. It's like a swimming in a pool of rage and resentment - and until you choose to get out of it, you will continue to drown in it. Let it go, Corey.  Forgive your dad, step - dad and whoever else  or whatever has hurt you. Do it now....forgive the past and let go of the pain... And when you do, get ready...because then you will be able to find and fulfill your potential.
~ Mrs. Kenley 

Corey looked up at me. My eyes stung with hot tears. "Mrs. Kenley, I did what you said.  I let it go - all that anger - I let it go.  It took some time....I mean...I had to forgive some people over and over again, but over time, I started feeling better." I nodded with understanding.  "And...I had to forgive myself too....for all the stuff I did...that was really hard.  But, I did it...."  And then Corey's eyes lit up, "And as I let go of my anger, just like you said.....I started to see things differently....I started to see myself differently...and I began to feel like a different person." In awe and amazement, I waited for his final words,"Once I emptied out all that anger, I felt free....It's hard to explain but now things matter to me again.... I matter... And, I'm excited about working hard and accomplishing my goals...I want to make something of myself...and my life." Placing the yearbook in his backpack, Corey looked up and smiled, "I am on my way, Mrs. Kenley."

Standing to say our goodbyes, I added, "Yes, Corey, indeed you are."

~ Corey finds his potential ~

Over the years, both as a teacher and as a therapist, I worked with so many young people who were bitter, angry, and resentful over the injuries and injustices of their pasts. If they needed guidance or help, I recommended safe resources when possible or appropriate. And without  minimizing their pain, I encouraged them time and time again to let go of it- to release it - to forgive it.

Remember this - as long as we hold on to our betrayals (with their accompanying emotional burdens and behavioral consequences), we remain hostage to our betrayers. We are not free - we give our power over to them. However, when we forgive our pasts - when we let the pain go - we release ourselves from its bondage, and we begin the process of righting and reclaiming ourselves. Most importantly, we discover who and what we are capable of being and becoming.

It is a choice.  And it is yours for the making. 

 Forgive your past and fulfill your potential.

You matter...and You are worth it!

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