Last blog Do You Allow Others To Determine Your Worth or Do You Determine Your Own Worth? , we learned...if you want to change how you feel about yourself, if you want to take charge of your value, you have two important decisions to make. First, are you willing to define your worth? Secondly, are you willing to be selective about how and in whom or what you invest yourself?
If you are reading this, it means you are ready to get started! Here we go. Ask yourself and answer the following questions...
Do you respect yourself?
If so, how do you know that you do?
And most importantly, why should
you?
 |
| Treat Yourself With Respect! |
As you are thinking about those questions, read how one amazing 15 year old answered them.
A few weeks ago, I had the extraordinary pleasure of
attending an annual luncheon sponsored by a large women’s organization in our
community. What makes this gathering so special is the opportunity to meet and
connect with high school girls who are working towards attending college after
graduation. This diverse gathering of
young females has been identified by their respective high school counselors as the first in their families to pursue an education beyond high school. For most of them, the odds of setting such a goal are very much
against them as the challenges in their home environments and communities are
very real. As I anxiously awaited the arrival of the young girl who was to be
partnered with me, I thought about how much I wanted to encourage her, support
her, and inspire her to work towards her dreams. Little did I know that she was
already giving herself a gift that would carry her further than any words of
mine.
 |
| Alejandra's Story |
“Hi, are you Alejandra?”
As she nodded, I smiled and replied, “Welcome. My name is Holli.”
Alejandra gracefully slid into her chair, removed her scarf
and coat, and sat silently keeping her gaze slightly downward. Wanting to remain sensitive to Alejandra’s
apparent shyness, I moved cautiously into my questioning while reassuring her
that she was free to refrain from answering any questions. Looking at me for the first time eye to eye,
Alejandra smiled and softly exhaled a sigh of relief.
I began our exchange with safe conversation starters about
Alejandra’s experiences in high school.
I learned that as a sophomore, Alejandra remained extremely focused in
her studies. She struggled with math and science, but she excelled in art and
English. When I asked her if she had any
photos of her art work, she quickly retrieved her phone from her coat. It was
while sharing her work with me that I witnessed a transformation in Alejandra.
Her green eyes sparkled and her voice gained in strength and intensity. As she swiped her phone, sliding through the
extraordinarily crafted black and white abstract animal sketches, I was stunned
by her level of ability and talent. I
learned how Alejandra’s art teacher entered many of her pieces into
competitions and how she was already receiving awards and recognition for her
work. As we continued to explore
Alejandra’s successes in both art as well as in English, I could sense a level
of comfort developing between us. As she
replaced her phone into her coat pocket, I asked her permission to inquire
about her family.
 |
| Alejandra respects herself by respecting what is important to her. |
With much more confidence in her voice, Alejandra shared how
she lived with her grandmother. She did
not know anything about her father.
Although raised on the East Coast, she and her mom moved to Arizona when
she was much younger. Without divulging
the details, Alejandra briefly explained that she had been living with her
grandmother for several years and it was best this way. Her face lit up as she talked about her
grandmother, her two best friends – a girl and a guy – and the love of her life
– her horse. As we continued to talk, I
was moved by an incredible sense of grounding in this young lady. Given the obstacles in her life, somehow she
had developed an inner strength that far surpassed most young people her age.
With caution, I asked Alejandra’s permission again, to ask a more personal
question. She agreed.
“Alejandra, who or what motivates you to remain as focused
and driven as you are?”
Without pausing, she responded. “My grandmother and my
horse.” And then she continued. “My
grandmother works so hard to take care of me.
I don’t want to let her down. I
want to do everything I can to make her proud of me… I love her so much.” Her
eyes lowered as she composed herself. “And my horse. Taking care of him and working at the stables
is a lot of work and responsibility, but I love him too. And aside from my art
work, when I am out riding… I feel
free…”
Wanting to probe a little deeper, I asked Alejandra a question
that always interests me about young people.
“Alejandra, if I've heard you correctly, you don’t seem to participate
in some of typical teenage at-risk behaviors that other high school kids engage
in….is that right? And if so, may I ask, why is that?”
Alejandra turned and looked at me. Her voice was steady and strong. “Holli, most
of the kids at school drink, do drugs, and are in relationships. I know so many
girls who are in abusive relationships, getting beat up by their boyfriends and
who are afraid to break up with them…. I
know lots of kids – girls and guys – who cut themselves. It is out of control. They start out doing it
for fun or cause everyone else is doing it…and it gets worse and worse. And…there are so many girls who are bulimic
or anorexic…it is crazy. They are starving themselves … they think they are fat
when they don’t look like the girls on TV or the movies.” Alejandra took in a
deep breath. “It’s all messed up….”
I waited and asked. “What keeps you from doing those
things?”
Without hesitation, Alejandra responded, “I respect myself
too much.” I waited for more. She
continued. “Holli, I am not judging my friends or the other kids, but I don’t
want to be like them. When they do all that stuff that hurts them, they don’t
respect their bodies or their minds. They are deliberately hurting
themselves…they are disrespecting themselves…and so other people don’t respect
them either. I learned a long time ago
that if I don’t’ respect myself, then who will?”
 |
| If I don't respect myself - who will? |
Astounded by Alejandra’s depth of insight and level of
self-awareness and given the personal challenges she endured, I needed to probe
one more time. “Alejandra, how did you begin to respect yourself when there
were so many things in your young life that hurt you?”
Alejandra’s green eyes softened and watered. “When my
grandma took me in four years ago, she was the first person who said she
believed in me…. She told me that over and over again. After a while, I started
believing in myself…and over the past few years as that belief grew, I felt my
self-respect start to take hold.” She smiled and added, “And now, I won’t allow
anyone or anything to mess that up. I’ve learned the more I respect myself, the
more it gives back to me! Every day, I get stronger and stronger. And every
day, I become more determined to achieve my goals and live out my dreams.”
Dislodging the lump in my throat, I spoke. “I have
absolutely no doubt, Alejandra, you will do just that.”
 |
| What are you doing to respect yourself? |
In closing, as Alejandra taught us, respect must start within
each one of us. No matter what our challenges are or what difficulties we face,
we can choose the gift of self-respect. It is a gift that we can begin giving to ourselves,
a little at a time, each and every day. It is a gift that as we give it to
ourselves, it will give back to us, again and again. We must be brave enough to
believe we are worth it.
Until next time ~ Answer these three questions:
- What are you doing to respect yourself?
- Why is it important to respect yourself?
- If you haven't been treating yourself with respect, what can you start doing today?
Remember, you have to power to determine your worth!
Enter to win! Goodreads Giveaway Of "Another Way"!
%2B(1).jpg) |
A Novel 4 Tweens 2 Teens! Available now on Amazon! |
No comments:
Post a Comment